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My self love journal 001

May 2018 is the time I decided to take a deep dive into my fears and let them go through me like fire.

I decided to move back to Australia after living in Turkey for the last 9 years.

I am the third daughter of a Turkish family who migrated in the 1970’s.

I was born in Australia and the next thing you know it, we started traveling to Turkey back and forth every four-five years.

Until I said stop and decided to spend my young adulthood completing my university degree in Turkey.

I was as laid back and no worries person as an Aussie and spoke with the stralian accent.

I was also so much in love with Turkey and Istanbul.

I enjoyed the fast life which had deep connections with people ordinary people like your neighbourhood milkbar and life long friends whom I have kept for more than 25 years and still counting.

Fast forwarding back to 2018 after my second divorce (yep second) I was going through a grieving stage which I had never done before. That is the time I ripped my heart open and felt all the pain and darkness. Waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It was that moment I asked myself, “Who are you if you have nothing?” Who was I, if I had no belonging. Nowhere to live. Would I be able to be the real me? Would I live up to my potential?

I have been on a self love journey since 2011, for eight years now. And even wrote my own signature program called “love yourself to freedom”. I knew that this was a life time love affair and sometimes you need to test your limits with the love of your life. And so I did. I decided to go way out of my comfort zone, cross country over the oceans and far away.

Together with the unstable education system and economy in Turkey, I decided to return to my other homeland Melbourne Australia as a single mum to restart my life.

So what do you need to restart your life?

Leave everything behind.

And so I did. At least I thought I did.

I sold most of my furniture and gave away the rest. Noting that to that day I had never sold any personal effects before. But this time I was determined that I was worth it. And I was.

Everything was selling so fast. So I sold my bedroom, couches, desks, plates, toys, all of my white goods and small appliances and gave away the rest to people who needed it the most or was lucky to be there in the moment.

I even gave my cat away to a close friend. Left my mum and dad, relatives and friends behind.

I was left with three suitcases and two carry ons that contained what I thought all my life together with the most precious being - my 10 year old son.

At last I was free, or that’s what I thought I was to be able to start over fresh.

To be continued.

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